Draft prepared for Christine Mason, PhD, DBSM · Reviewer: pending review · Last updated 2026-11-12
What to observe
- How long you usually stay, and what your child does while you are there.
- Whether your child also wakes at night and needs the same help to fall back asleep.
- Signs of worry or fear at bedtime, not just preference.
- What your family wants: closeness, more independence, or something in between.
Why this happens
Children often learn to fall asleep with certain conditions present — a caregiver, a song, a particular position. When they wake briefly in the night, as everyone does, they may look for those same conditions again.
Behavioral approaches studied for young children include gradual steps where a caregiver slowly reduces their involvement over time. These are reviewed in the research below. Gradual approaches let a child practice a little at a time with support.
Comfort is never something a child has to earn. Positive reinforcement can recognize practice and effort — staying in bed, trying a calm-down step — without making closeness conditional.
Older children around 5–7 can often take part in planning: choosing a comfort object, practicing a ‘brave’ step, or tracking their own progress.
Practical examples
Starting gradually.
“This week I’ll sit in the chair by your bed instead of lying down. I’ll stay until you’re sleepy.”
A hard night.
“Last night was tricky. That’s okay. Tonight we’ll try our plan again.” — supportive resets are part of practice.
Praising effort.
“You stayed snuggled while I sat by the door. That was great practice.”
When to talk with a clinician
- Fear or anxiety at bedtime that seems intense or is spreading to daytime.
- Snoring, breathing pauses, or very restless sleep.
- Night wakings with screaming or confusion that your child doesn’t remember.
- Caregivers feeling exhausted or unable to cope — your wellbeing matters too.
This guide is education, not a diagnosis. Prepare for the conversation.
Worksheet: Our family’s settling plan
- What we do now to help our child fall asleep:
- What we want bedtime to look like:
- One small step to try this week:
- How we will notice and praise practice:
- What we’ll do after a hard night:
- Questions for our clinician:
References
Draft citations — to be verified by Dr. Mason before publication.
- Mindell JA, Kuhn B, Lewin DS, Meltzer LJ, Sadeh A. Behavioral treatment of bedtime problems and night wakings in infants and young children. Sleep. 2006;29(10):1263–1276. doi.org/10.1093/sleep/29.10.1263
- Meltzer LJ, Mindell JA. Systematic review and meta-analysis of behavioral interventions for pediatric insomnia. J Pediatr Psychol. 2014;39(8):932–948. doi.org/10.1093/jpepsy/jsu041
- Mindell JA, Williamson AA. Benefits of a bedtime routine in young children: sleep, development, and beyond. Sleep Med Rev. 2018;40:93–108. doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2017.10.007